Harry Potter Is The Greatest and Most Best Good Wizard Ever
by T1p2
Summary: Philosopher's Stone as told by Dobby the House Elf


Chapter One

Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) was a small child, even by human standards. For years he lived with his aunt and uncle, the Dursleys. Every day his aunt would wake him up and make him cook breakfast for her family - though he was never allowed to eat until they had filled their stomachs. After, he would be made to wash the dishes, clean the stove and tend to the garden - pulling weeds and watering the flowers. All of these things are fun for a house elf, but not for a human boy.

One day, Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) recieved a letter in the mail. It was a special letter - and not just because it was the first letter he ever got - it was an acceptance letter to Hoggywarts! There, he would learn how to do magic! But his aunt and uncle didn't like magic - they thought it was bad. So his uncle loaded the family into his expensive car and they went far away from their neat, suburban home.

They thought they were clever, but the person sending the letters thought it was a fun game. No matter how far they went, more letters would find them. Eventually Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) found himself lying on the wooden floor of a small hut sitting on a rock in the middle of the sea on a stormy night. As he counted down the seconds to midnight, which was also his birthday, a loud crashing boom echoed in the small hut.

Harry Potter's (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) relatives rushed into the now-cramped living room in time to see the front door blasted off its rusted hinges - the rotted wood in a thousand small splinters now decorated the floor - Dobby would have liked to clean it up, though Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) might have been dreading having to do so. After the dust had settled down, a giant man stepped inside like it was the most normal thing in the world and asked for some tea. His name was Hagrid, and he was going to take Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) shopping for his school things.

The next day, the two made it from the small hut on the rock in the middle of the ocean all the way to London without using magic. Not even once. Once there, Hagrid took Harry (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) Potter to Gringotts to get some money. Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) then found out he had more money underground than he had even known existed in the world. They also stopped in another vault to get something else, but Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) couldn't see what it was. He didn't think too much about it, but it would be real important later.

After dealing with the goblins, Hagrid told Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) that he was going to get drunk at the pub and that as a minor in a strange, new place Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) would be okay shopping on his own.

So Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) went about his shopping, getting all his school things on the list. Eventually he had to get fitted for school robes, and that is when he met Bad Master Draco Malfoy (who wets his bed and blames it on Dobby). Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) did not like Bad Master Draco Malfoy (who uses far more Sleekeazy products than an eleven year old wizard should).

After he had finished getting his school clothes, Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) met back up with Hagrid - who had not really been out drinking like he had said he was going to do, but had instead bought a beautiful white snowy owl as a birthday present for Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever).

Hagrid took Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) to get his wand from Ollivanders, the best and only wand maker in Britain. Ollivander sold Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) his wand and Hagrid took him back to his relative's house.

A month passed, and Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) spent his time reading instead of doing all the chores in the house. His relatives didn't dare bother him now that he knew he was a wizard and could probably do magic things to them if they were mean.

When the day finally came for Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) to go to Hoggywarts, his relatives left him at the train station without seeing him off properly. Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) wandered around looking for the right platform. First he tried platform nine, but that was too few. Then he tried platform ten, but that was too many. Platform eleven, he decided, was right out.

Just then, he heard a woman talking loudly about Muggles - a wizard term for people without magic. It was the Weezys! Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) watched as the two older boy Weezys ran through a wall and disappeared. Not sure if he was seeing things right, he decided to ask Mama Weezy.

Mama Weezy told Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) that the only way to get to the right platform was to run at the wall head first. Being a good and trusting boy, Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) listened to the red-haired woman he had only just that moment met, and did exactly that.

The two older Weezy boys were waiting on the other side and helped Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) load his trunk on the train.A short time later, the youngest Weezy boy sat in Harry (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) Potter's compartment and the two shared snacks and became friends. Bad Master Draco Malfoy (who probably likes to kick Crup puppies) showed up to try to become friends with Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever). But Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) remembered Bad Master Draco Malfoy (who never learned to tie his shoes on his own) from the robes shop and decided he did not want to be friends with him.

Soon, a girl with big, bushy brown hair and large teeth came into the compartment to ask if either the Weezy boy or Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) had seen a toad. Neither boy had seen it, so the girl left to check elsewhere.

Hours later, the train arrived at Hoggywarts and Hagrid was there waiting for the new students. He led them all down a slippery and muddy path to the edge of a lake where some boats were waiting to take them to the castle. When they finally reached the castle, Hagrid left the new students with Professor McGonakitty. The professor took the group of students to the Great Hall to be sorted in front of the entire school. All they had to do was put on a hat.

Some students were sorted into their houses right away, while others took longer. The bushy haird who was called Hermyknee was sent to Gryffindor while Bad Master Draco Malfoy (who keeps a collection of Witch Weekly magazines under his bed) was sent to Slytherin. Finally, Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) was called to be sorted. He took the longest time of all, but eventually the hat put him in Gryffindor. That night, Harry Potter (the greatest and most best good wizard ever) did not have to cook dinner. He got to eat until he was full, and he got to sleep in a real bed.


End file.
